For a very long time I found myself always biting my tongue. Many had me believe that speaking up for myself was a quality that only “obnoxious” or “rude” people possessed.
With this in mind, I became a very low talker as well. Many always ask me to repeat myself because they can never hear me the first time. This is what happens when you are shamed for having a voice or an opinion opposite of the masses.
When people really hear what I have to say, they begin wondering what country I’m from because I can keep up with many conversations, and I’ll even fact check information presented. Also, occasionally you’ll hear an accent when I’m speaking, and a southern/ foreign accent on a black woman is the most amusing thing to people.
To top it off, a loud, young, black, female in America is stereotyped as being ghetto and having no class. An educated, young, black female in America is stereotyped as wanting to be “white” for simply carrying herself in a “civil” and classy manner which is appealing to any race that isn’t black.
As you see, I do not fit in anywhere because my husband is white, I’m somewhat liberal, but don’t really identify as any particular party, I am very educated, and I love all! So silent speaking has brought me very far lol.
Anyways, I always do my best to carry myself in a light that comes off as respectful and confident showing no other emotion unless necessary. With all the information I have presented above, people have still blatantly said that my presence intimidates them or makes them uncomfortable.
This used to truly bother me, and because I prefer to give no reaction to comments meant to hurt me, people continue to attempt to tear me down.
I have been in 3 different situations this year alone where the other party was in the wrong, it was addressed, and somehow it was all my fault!
The funny thing about it all was that neither party expected me to say anything at all! Because I defended myself and the things that mattered to me, they became the “victim.”
When you do genuinely care about others this type of situation can make you question yourself even though you know deep down your not the problem.
I legit began feeling like the opinions that others had of me outweighed the ones that I knew to be true about myself!
So you know what I did?
I stood my ground, said my piece, and I cut ties with these people! Whatever association we had is non-existent, and I forgave them regardless on how they treated me because I refuse to let ANYONE control me!
After all my family has been through believe it or not we have seen more drama and chaos this year than we have in a very long time!! We have lost family, friends, have moved twice, switched jobs, and so much more to keep our family protected and growing in the right direction!
I am thankful for encounters I’ve had with others since having my son because I’ve learned a great deal!
Speak up, and stand your ground! It can be so difficult trying to speak against somebody who is already categorized as a loud mouth, that’s why it’s so important that you start doing so now!
Most loud people, talk to be heard not to be understood, let them see how knowledgeable and confident you are and I guarantee you’ll have them tongue-tied in no time!
You have to stop biting your tongue, if people are brave enough to offend your character, you need to be brave enough to defend yourself! You owe yourself that much!
Stop relying on always being the “bigger person” because sometimes the bigger person has to address the situation to make the necessary corrections!
I’m not encouraging you to fight anyone because I do not feel that violence solves anything…most of the time that is lol.
I strongly advise that you practice first correcting yourself whenever you are deliberately tearing your own self apart.
If you won’t respect yourself, it makes it very difficult to defend yourself against others.
Next, practice this same discipline on those closer to you. If they can’t respect you addressing the actions that are hurting you, do you and them a service by distancing yourself!!
By the time you are done addressing the issues with all those on your “list”, strangers and simple associates will be a piece of cake.
Haters do not want to see you happy! Manipulators do not want people around who have minds of their own. Stagnant people do not want to be around those who are continuously finding ways to evolve. And in these situations it’s best to cut all ties and move forward!!
Every now and then a grand exit is necessary, haha but the best revenge and gift for yourself is to keep shining and move forward!
Now if you find that you are on the opposing side of this conversation, really take in what the person is expressing to you. See it from their side, and hopefully you reach a silver lining to move forward together.
While validation is nice, you know yourself better than anyone! Protect your ENERGY, and choose where it’s best spent!
In the event that you decide to still part ways, have no hard feelings so that you have the opportunity to heal and move on past the situation.
At the end of the day YOU and the things you value and treasure most are the only things necessary to concern yourself with! And others opinions of you should NEVER outshine those of yourself!
Practice Speaking up and out more often, and I guarantee you’ll respect yourself even more!
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Aleisha Kay
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