When you lose something or someone close to you how do you deal with it? Some take years to process the trauma, while others take days, and sometimes just a few minutes.
If you’re anything like me, you just take it moment by moment.
The past year and a half has been very foggy for me. I know I’ve lost people who I treasure very dearly, but I have not missed a beat.
Am I avoiding it? Maybe I’ve accepted it a little quicker than I expected. It’s moments like these when I realize that grieving is not as simple as it seems. Most assume that after losing a child, spouse, or parent that you will take several months to a few years to put yourself together to move forward.
I thought this would be the case for me after saying goodbye to the twins. I know several thought I was crazy when it appeared as if nothing had even happened less than a month later.
I’m here to say that I still hurt to this day! I didn’t have the initial hurt or anguish that I felt I was supposed to have. I honestly didn’t truly cry until a few weeks later. I didn’t feel the loss deeply, but I felt empty.
It felt as if I was just over it until I was triggered by something as simple as a baby bottle.
When I lost my mom, I went into immediate caretaker mode because those I cared about needed me. I was carrying my son at the time, and was constantly reminded that I shouldn’t cry or stress because he came first.
Do you know how bad it hurt to be unable to just scream because I didn’t want to risk losing another child?
I hurt at least once a week now. It’s all so overwhelming at times, but I find peace in knowing that none of them are suffering!
My mom was an amazing, God-fearing woman, so I know she’s in heaven taken care of my little ones.
Grieving isn’t always sitting in a dark room hyperventilating wanting your loved one back. Grieving takes forms of acceptance. It’s the beautiful memories you have, and the lessons you might have learned from that loss.
I don’t feel that anyone grieves the same way, and some grieve better when they stay busy…myself. Just know that with grieving comes growth. And while you might not be able to see through the storm you are facing, know that you’ll get through it and may just see a beautiful rainbow at the end of it all.
Feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to or just share your story. I’d love to hear it, it might just help somebody else through their grieving journey!
Much Love ❤️
Aleisha Kay
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